CD18 brings a surprise!

As you can imagine or have possibly experienced, peeing on a stick 2-3 times a day for days on end after one failed cycle can become quite daunting and start to seem pointless. Yesterday, per OPK instructions as I was out running errands I realized that by the time I got home it would have been 4 hours since I'd relieved myself. I worked myself up good thinking "this is going to be it! I just know those 2 lines will be the same today!" I was wrong. I told my husband I didn't want to do this anymore and decided in my own head that I would continue testing until cd21 at which point I would never look at an OPK again. Only RE monitored cycles from now on. Well...

I peed on the stick this morning when I first woke up. It was negative and I didn't give it a second thought. I had dinner with a friend last night who asked me about everything and when I told her it wasn't going good she looked so sad for me and I found myself consoling her in a way--likely to console myself though. "It's okay! Maybe it just isn't in my cards! I know raising kids isn't flowers and lollipops! I'm already raising teenagers, do I really want to start over anyway? When my husband retires we'll travel!" I still believe everything I told her and I know I'm going to be okay no matter what. However, much to my huge surprise I did an 11:30 test today and it was positive!!! It was a double take triple take kind of thing. I can not stress enough how much I didn't expect it. I of course let my husband know right away but it wasn't until I sent a picture of the positive test and got a response from my sister that I sort of lost control. Her first response "OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Second "when u going to dr????????" Third "my stomach is butterflying like crazy!!!!!!!!!!!!" I read all 3 messages at once and I just lost it. If you knew my sister you'd know she is kind of dry and rarely shows emotion. She is amazing and beautiful and her dry humor is nothing but endearing (she's actually the pretty sister lol....even though one time this old lady said I was hehe) but my point is if you knew hew you'd know all the question and exclamation marks are unprecedented and that's when it hit me. My sister has been praying for me and listening to me and living this infertility with me for so many years, it felt so good to actually tell her something good! Through tears I called the doctors office and you guys...YOU GUYS...I asked if my husband should come with me for the iui. You guys. Most insane words I have probably ever said. That's okay I can forgive myself lol. I took another test at 2 with a fresh brew and that was also positive--this made it officially official.

We go in tomorrow morning at 9am and I am kind of freaking. Since the doctor said I can go in the room with T while he's making his deposit I keep asking my husband dumb questions like "what are we gonna do in that room? How are we gonna do it? How am I going to help?" Lol I'm just so nervous. T pointed out to me how far we've come in this process from where we were a year ago. He has a great point, but still. And crazily enough my ovaries feel very full tonight, suddenly. I hope that's a good sign. I keep telling myself "don't put a limit on what God can do!" Trying to keep negative thoughts at bay! Update soon--pray so hard!! Be blessed.