Femara/IUI CD 14

Today is CD14 and there are no signs of ovulation in sight. I started using OPK's on cycle day 11--we just didn't want to risk missing it. My CM is not at all consistent with pending ovulation according to babycenter.com. I am feeling ovarian pinches of sorts which makes me wonder if something is cooking up in there but a big part of me thinks that this month will be a bust. Perhaps that 2.5 mg of Femara wasn't enough to make me ovulate. Maybe I'll be all wrong--I did see videos on youtube of women who didn't ovulate until around day 20 on a femara cycle. I'm okay if I don't--we'll just try again. At least we are only out less than 100 bucks for the medication.

male factor infertility / cd9

I haven't given my husbands sperm issues too much regard because I just assumed once his vasectomy was reversed that things would be fine. Even after receiving the results of his first analysis post reversal I still was kind of in denial. After all, he has two healthy children already who were conceived via iui -- his sperm has a 75% iui success rate. That was however, 13 years ago. Today, I decided to youtube "Femara" and of course up comes tons of videos of women in the middle of treatment cycles. One in particular struck me--her husband didn't so much have a low count but his motility and morphology weren't very good. She got pregnant with the first iui. You would think that would encourage me right? Nope. Just made me go "oh my gosh I really have forgotten it's not ALL about my body". I went back and read the sperm analysis results which I had the nurse e-mail me so I could obsess without forgetting anything. (this is personal, if you are a prude move along...)

Here is the report:

Volume 1.9 ml

motility 50% but very slow progression.  Grading is done from 0-4+ with 4+ being the best and T’s was 0-1

sperm count 10 million / ml

Total motile sperm (the number of moving sperm in the entire ejaculate) 9.5 million

Normal Forms 2 %

This test was done about 70 days post vasectomy reversal and the red I highlighted are the things that freak me out the most. 0-1 meaning his sperm pretty much doesn't really exist, sort of, in a weird way? And normal forms meaning, only 2% of what he has is normal? I'm kind of distraught.

 Oh and yeah, that whole blog I wrote the other day about how the Femara wasn't affecting me much? Yeah...I cried a few times yesterday without much reason. Spoke too soon. Blessings.  

Femara/Letrozole is relatively painless.

Today is cycle day 8 and I'm due for my fifth and final dose of Femara/letrozole any time now. Several years ago when I took Clomid I remember feeling like my entire uterus and all the parts around it were simultaneously being twisted and stabbed. I was expecting something like that with the Femera but I was completely wrong. My moods haven't been as jacked up as I was expecting either. There have been a couple breaks from reality but I pretty much snapped back within minutes and laughed uncontrollably at myself. I do feel some action in there (ovaries, uterus, whatever) but being that aunt flo isn't still completely gone I'm not sure which to blame. Or maybe it's just too early in the cycle, the mood swings and pain will come later?

 A part of me is a little hesitant with the relative smoothness of the medication, thinking maybe it isn't working. A bigger part of me is thinking I've been through enough already thank goodness this isn't bad. Maybe the Femara is going to simply make me ovulate just like any other woman who ovulates with ease. Dr S told me to start taking OPK's (ovulation predictor kits) on day 13--I'm afraid I will ovulate before that and miss it OR that I won't ovulate until day 30 and those OPK's don't come cheap. Even with my hesitation I'm staying pretty calm, the cycle days are moving pretty quickly and I try not to think about it all the time. I don't want to become consumed. But I do wish I could find a board or blog where women shared which day they ovulated on with Femara. I'll be sure to post mine--be blessed!

Today I got to mark my calendar, CD1! Somehow I knew it would be today! This means that if I do get pregnant this cycle that today would be the date I would put in the due date calculator. I've been reading too many message boards about iui's and I honestly need to stop. I'm encouraged by the reviews of the Femara in PCOS patients but then it scares the crap out of me when people post their sperm analysis and their numbers are way better than mine (I mean my husbands) and they didn't get pregnant. My emotions are so mixed right now--I've been riding this infertility train for at least 8 years, although at times I haven't been active but still, knowing it is a problem is a hard pill to swallow. I'm very very excited, like physically smiling when no one is looking excited to finally have the opportunity to do a fertility treatment. I have stressed over it for so long and now it's finally my turn. I'm trying to not give any of the negative thoughts and fears any attention rather than focus on how grateful I am. But at the same time I'm afraid of the disappointment. I'm sort of really used to the disappointment though, unfortunately. Really above all, I'm just excited and grateful! My thoughts are so scattered!

 So earlier I posted about my love of nicotine. I've  recently broken the habit with the help of nicotine patches but let me tell you it is no picnic. I am caging myself in ad staying pretty closed off to the world, still because it doesn't take much to trigger me. I'm not sure most people in my life get this but whatever, it is what it is. One day I will feel normal again right? Also my love affair with diet coke ended about a month ago- I just have one coffee in the morning now and drink water the rest of the day. Lots and lots of changes. If isolating myself is propelling me into bigger and better then I'm okay with it. I'm jut keeping it real, k?

my special little calendar

I'm sure there is an app for that, but somehow drawing out a child-like calendar makes me feel better about my upcoming cycle. I've used the calendar on my phone to count days, weeks, even months and often lose my spot and have to go back. I can write notes on days but have to look through several days notes before I find the note I was looking for. For this, my first and only (please?) iui cycle I want to be able to see all the days with all the milestones all at once without having to search my phone or look at an app or learn an app. An old-fashioned homemade calendar. It just makes me feel good. :) Anyway enough about that; although the calendar was the main reason for today's blog. The only note written on it so far is "last day of provera". Hopefully soon it will be filled with fertility milestones. I went to a psychic once that told me I would have a baby in the year 2013. I know Christianity and psychics don't really go hand in hand but what I do is my business, so there. :) Point being, in order for her prediction to be true I'd have to conceive within the first 12 weeks of the year which coincidentally would be by March 26th, my 29th birthday. Oy!

 So here I am just patiently waiting on aunt flo to arrive. If the cramps, mood swings, and hot flashes are any indication, I'd say she's pretty close. I can't wait to start marking my calendar "CD1" (cycle day 1) and so on. The ovulation predictor kits I ordered are on their way and the femara is at my pharmacy waiting for it's ride home. C'mon aunt flo, let's get this party started! Blessings!

Juicy News Here

Wow, I can't believe it's been an entire year since my last post--where does the time go? The last year has been crazy and hectic and no fertility treatments have taken place. But fret not, it's about to happen, for real!

 I finished hair school with flying colors and went on to work in a private salon for a bit and then moved to a chain salon. You know the kind where they brainwash you, use up your talents and then dispose of you. Okay maybe that's a bit dramatic. It WAS a fabulous learning experience and my coworkers for the most part were fantastic wonderful people and probably long term friends. But the company itself, let's just say I'm a little too independent and rebellious for those antics. Anyway, in short, my past year was full of learning the hair business, LOTS.OF.LEARNING, lots of anxiety, and mostly just trying to keep my head above water in a new world.

 You know that RE I found? While I don't doubt their abilities, I find myself frustrated with them more than happy and that's not cool. We were on the IVF track due to my husband having had a vasectomy but something felt wrong about it to me. I started praying about it in a very concentrated way and I knew that it felt wrong because it was wrong for us. It wasn't what God intended. I'm not saying IVF is bad by any stretch, but it wasn't in OUR cards.

 A 2,500 dollar surgery is required in order to retrieve sperm post vasectomy and it's a one shot deal. IVF has to be performed with the goods retrieved so obviously that wasn't going to work for us. We found a doctor in the great state of Oklahoma who exclusively performs vasectomy reversals at a SUPER decent rate and in September we took a long journey to his office. This journey required over 40 total hours of driving and nothing went wrong. I took it as a sign that God had blessed this trip, this surgery, and that we were doing exactly what we were supposed to. The doctor, a peculiar man, but a seemingly honorable and Christian guy prayed over the surgery with us and made it known that the Lord was the great physician, not he. It felt so good knowing that our doctor was being guided by divine hands! His name is Dr. David Wilson for anyone who is interested. :)  Be prepared for a waiting list but your turn will come and it will be worth it.

 Of course after a vasectomy reversal you have to wait a few months before you can check the goods to make sure it worked. Well we waited and we checked and I am happy to announce my husband has happy little swimmers....tmi? And I'm not sure I mentioned that I have been on metformin the past year to control my insulin resistance. So basically in terms of fertility stuff, we spent the year saving up and waiting for the vasectomy reversal and me trying to adjust to a medication that makes me ill. Now let's talk for a minute about this RE's office, it's nice, pretty, and pleasant but at a price. Anytime you so much as put a foot, just one foot, not both, inside that office you better be ready to cough up a sixty dollar copay. Oh we ordered labs two weeks ago at your appointment? Come back so we can give you the results, that'll cost you 60. Oh so you need a refill, come in, we'll hook you up, 60 dollars please. It's like they just drag things out for the sake of making you spend more. Like I said earlier, I don't doubt their abilities or good reputation, I do however doubt their communication abilities. I really can't put into words the frustrations I've felt with them, I'd had to go into my memory bank to remember the conversations to write down and I'm really not in the mood to dwell..........So here's the good news........

 I needed a yearly and a new ob/gyn. The ob office I've frequented since forever doesn't tickle my fancy either. In case you haven't noticed, I am quick to leave a doctor. We pay A LOT of money for our good insurance and I expect the best. Doctors have a way of being cold and impersonal and I get it, they are busy and probably have bigger problems to deal with than mine BUT that doesn't work for me. So last week I went on a long internet search for the best doctors in my area. I read every review I could possibly find and finally settled on a doctor whose office is 26 miles away but so far he was worth every single mile. I've never been to an ob where you get to go into the doctors office (like his real office, you know the one with his books, computer, personal photos). I got to shake his hand and chat for a few before I was taken into the exam room, told to strip down, and get violated, in the most non-violating way of course. And then after I was violated I was taken back into his office where we chatted for a long time. He was seriously perfect. As our conversation came to an end I found myself looking into his eyes saying "thank you" in a sweet, genuinely grateful tone. I'm not sure I have ever felt that way about a doctor. He is a little older and thorough and patient and kind and nonjudgmental and his staff were all great too. The nurse and I chatted as if we were old neighbors. It was just comfortable. I was sort of floating on cloud 9 as I walked out of the office at which time the doctor himself came running after me, calling me by name! What?? In what world? He was coming to give me the price list for his IUI's which he has been performing since the IUI was invented. I had been given a general price which I was satisfied with so I kind of forgot that I had asked for a written price list. Turns out, his price per IUI is about 70% cheaper than at the RE's office and we can get started right away. The doctor knew I had an RE and was going to be treated there so he didn't really tell me anything about his IUI experience. I pushed the conversation that way because I liked him so much I wanted to see what he was made of. I can get 3 and 1/2  IUI's for the price of one - I mean wow! Thank you JESUS!

 So!!!!!!!!!!!!! Good ole doc gave me a 5 day script for Provera to bring on friendly aunt flo, 3 days into her I start Femara for 5 days, and then a few days after that I start using ovulation predictor tests. Once that test shows positive, we go in the next day for insemination. Oh oh oh......my husband HATED the RE's office little room for making "deposits"-- he even sent me pictures of creepy sexy pictures on the walls. He was really dreading having to go into that room again. I shared this information with DR S (we will call him DR S from now on) and he said that I could go into the room with my husband at his office and asked if that would make it better. Um yeah! (insert dirty comment that I won't actually write, here)

Off to the races...........I promise to update often! I LOVE reading the full story of fertility treatments. I promise to contribute to this cause. Be blessed, ya'll!