All about the benjamins....

My husband started his his HCG shots last week. I was expecting he would immediately turn into some sexual deviant but that hasn't happened so much and I'm really cool with it. He was kind of acting like a girl on Sunday morning (which tends to happen during the Sunday morning trying to get to church on time hustle) but this Sunday it was extra noticeable. He got a drink for us to share and when I commented on the fact that he drank it all and I was SO thirsty (I was joking, usually he wittily responds to my teasing) he got all emotional. "There's another McDonald's right by the church I'll stop and get you another one!" I couldn't help but openly laugh at him and he finally admitted "You've got me all jacked up on hormones what do you expect?" It's kind of fun to give him a turn in this hormone inducing process. Poor thing.

 I'm super confused on what to do next. He takes a blood test next week to check how he is responding to the HCG and 2 weeks after that they will check a sperm sample. I need to keep my body ready but I'm not sure how to go about it at this point. He has 4 months worth of HCG but in infertility world 4 months goes by like 4 days in terms of cycle opportunities. I haven't counted the days but I was a few days into my last cycle on my birthday March 26th so if I was going to start another on my own it should be here or really close. The crazy thing is a couple weeks ago (this is super TMI) when I wiped I had stretchy CM. CM is something I generally lack and so it made me think that maybe I had ovulated on my own--perhaps the Femara awoke the beast? I do not monitor my CM, so I know I did not imagine it! With that said, should I wait it out a few days to see if I'll get aunt flo on my own or go ahead and call for some Provera to bring on a cycle? And then should I take femara even though no IUI is planned until we see results of HCG injections? It could happen naturally, right? I mean, if we were both jacked up on meds? And my third source of confusion is the whole OB vs. RE for IUI thing. My heart of hearts wants to go to the RE for the monitoring factor and the fact that he is super thorough but my bank account tells me that actually injecting sperm into my no-no square is a job that the OB is just as capable of.

 On paper our income looks pretty decent. But hello, we have 2 teenagers, a mortgage, things to fix, car payments, cable, internet, electricity, water, groceries, and did I mention TWO TEENAGERS to support? By the time you pay what you have to pay there just isn't much left. I can't even explain it. It seems like we should be more capable of saving but it just magically disappears. The kids are in private school but next year the girl is planning on a public high school so she can join ROTC and we are considering homeschooling the boy. This should give us some slight relief but it just seems like it is never ever ever ever enough. If we did just one iui with the RE that would probably be all we could afford for a couple months. We could come up with the money for a few consecutive iui's with the OB but would it be smarter to invest more with the RE? I am asking in question form because I don't know the right answer. I feel so up in the air. And then comes the question if iui doesn't work -- how will we ever afford ivf? We have talked about a second mortgage on our house but that would just suck. SO many questions....so little answers. Advice is welcome! Be blessed.

Holy balls, was this a secret?

Guys!! Guys! listen to me for just a minute! 10 2.5mg tablets of Femara is 18 dollars at Costco. I paid almost 200 for it last cycle at Walgreens. Walgreens is my beloved local pharmacy, some techs recognize me before I open my mouth. "Hi Mrs. C!" they'll say. But sweet Walgreens, I'm about to cheat on you sort of like I'm cheating on my doctor. My husband is seeing RE for his sperm issues and he's starting injectable hcg (I think) next week (!) but we are planning to do the next iui with the OB once the RE gives our (okay,his) sperm the go-ahead. I feel kind of bad but you know, we're infertile dammit! We do what we have to do. If we don't advocate for ourselves and watch our pocketbooks no one else will. Anyway so back to my original excitement for this post.....was this cheap drugs at Costco some secret everyone but me knows about??? I mean, I'm kind of hoping that I'm blowing the lid off this so everyone will know now. K so I'm done. Peace

Dear Sperm,

We decided to sit this cycle out while my husband works on his sperm. His primary doctor gave him androgel (testosterone) in a low dose saying that if we increase his testosterone minimally it could help sperm. I'm pretty sure that doctor is a jack hole because if you google androgel it's infamous for making sperm counts go to ZEE-ROW. So husband stopped taking it and he's got an appointment with the RE tomorrow to discuss other options. HCG or HSG? I should know the difference but I don't. Hopefully he'll get on something that will help and we won't be shooting blanks during iui. In other news, being a step parent is so hard. You can be so good to the kids and sacrifice much of yourself for them as their mom can plant one petty idea in their head and then they turn around and smack the hell out of you. I signed up for it because I married my husband, I just had no idea how hard it would be. My first instinct when I don't like a situation is just to run. It's kind of all I know. It's what I do. It's what my mother did. Sticking this storm out is a huge lesson for me. Anyway, that's super off subject of this blog but I suppose I needed to get it off my chest. Oh and I went back to my old job. The job I've had on and off for over 10 years. It feels like home to be back and it's a nice escape from being an infertile step-mom housewife. Ugh that title just looks so ugly. Not what I envisioned for my life. God knows better and His plans are bigger makes sense even if I can't see it, right? Be blessed.