trust and obey

After a divorce, a quick party animal stint, a new relationship and subsequent marriage, I found myself still childless. (I do have step-children whom I love and adore very much but of course they have a great mom already. I can be a great step-mom to them but this title does have it's limits.) Once I was settled into my new marriage and we'd bought our house, I figured if I wasn't going to have children I should go back to school to get an education doing something that I love. I've been doing office work for years and I really don't like it. Does anyone?

 In spending years struggling with infertility and the thoughts of "who am I supposed to be if not a mom?" "whatever will I do with my life!" I finally came to grips with the fact that I needed to move on and find something else to make my baby. So, I signed up for hair school and haven't looked back.

 Now that I've found this new amazing passion and new goals to work toward, the strongest feelings of wanting to have a baby have started flooding back to me. I don't feel sad about it and I don't feel fear (I never thought I would be able to honestly say that). God knows my hearts desires and He knows exactly what He wants for me. My life is not my own, it is His. The words to the old hymn Trust and Obey play in my head hundreds of times a day. Trust and obey, for there's no other way to be happy in Jesus, but to trust and obey. Trust and obey--I strive every day to do just that. If I want to surrender control to the man in charge that really is all I have to do.

 We had an appointment with an infertility specialist on Monday but the doctor was majorly running behind so I had to leave and reschedule. I am anxiously awaiting our next scheduled appointment early next month. I feel hope and at peace with the journey we will hopefully soon be embarking on.

 I am so excited to share this journey of maybe baby and hair school graduation. Who knows where all these great things will lead--I'm too concerned with TRUSTING and OBEYING to worry.